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Richard Botto, Editor in Chief / CEO of RAZOR Magazine, has created the definitive men's magazine which features the best in men's fashion, travel, sports, autos, celebrities, technology, humor, fiction, fitness and more.
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 WRITINGS:
RICHARD BOTTO
Back to Writings Main Menu
November 2004
Hail to the Cheif
Has it been four years already? Four years since the notion of this
magazine became a reality? Four years since we first said in the early
hours of the morning, "Send the damn thing to print and let's get
the hell out of here?" Amazingly, it has. What's equally amazing
is that it's been four years since the hanging chads. Four years since
537 difference-makers in Florida, in essence, set the course of the
nation for the next 48 months. Simply amazing.
This month, we take a look at the tumult that occurred during the period
between that fateful night, Nov 7th, 2000, and the day Dubya was sworn
into power, January 20th, 2001, with Thomas DeFrank's brilliant feature,
"The Transition." And with more people than ever voicing their
dissatisfaction with our elected officials, we went straight to the
heart of the matter by asking those who demand to be heard for their
agendas in the sometimes serious, sometimes humorous, "If I Were
President."
Four years ago on this very page, in the wake of the polarized results
in Florida, I threw my hat into the ring and announced my intention
to run for president (representing the Fugghedaboutit Party, in case
you have forgotten). Surprisingly, no one took me up on my offer. However,
my resolve remains strong and I will stay the course. I am planning
a 2008 run. Here is just a peek at my platform, call it an appetizer
of sorts.
If I were president:
I would require all registered drivers living outside of New York to
take a class detailing the difference between yield and merge. Additionally,
anyone driving 5 MPH less than the posted speed limit in the passing
lane of any highway will be subject to the rules of the International
Demolition Derby Association (www.derbypro.com) and automatically revoke
his or her right to counsel.
Amendment XXVIII to the Constitution - The last two Star Wars movies
never happened. Understand?
All funding for DNA testing will go toward one thing and one thing only,
cloning Catherine Zeta-Jones circa 1998, who, as First Lady, will have
little responsibility other than lounging around in the frilly white
dress she wore in Mask of Zorro by day and the bodysuit from Entrapment
by night.
Naturally, this means that I will put into effect Operation Fatal Attraction
in which the CIA will eliminate all evidence of Michael Douglas with
the exception of Wall Street where the credits will be changed to read:
Gordon Gecco - Guy with the slicked back hair.
I would work hand in hand with Governor Schwarzenegger on an initiative
to introduce Californians to new fabrics beyond cotton and denim.
Once a year I will hold a steel cage fight to the death between the
most pompous blowhards from the liberal and conservative media…The
winner will get the meal of his choice and then promptly have his larynx
ripped from his body.
I would put Clinton's mug on the $20 bill, the legal tender of choice
for lap-dancers across our great land (or so I've been told).
I would buy a pit bull named Lecter and train him to attack the crotch
area of any reporter who uses either the word rhetoric or spin in relationship
to anything I say.
I would lower the divorce rate by 25 percent by implementing my Testosterone
and Estrogen Sundays Initiative where between the hours of 1 pm through
11 pm EST during the fall and winter, men will meet to watch football
and women will meet to do just about anything they damn well please,
as long as it doesn't involve men.
I would take all NASA funding away and terminate the Mars (Gee…Rocks!
Wow…Cold Air!) Program. All monies would be put toward the development
of the Instant Transport Machine featured in The Jetsons and Marvin
the Martian cartoons. This would eliminate air travel and security lines
as well as curb terrorism. Yes, I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley.
Finally, I would give an executive order to the good people at Jack
Daniels to place my face on the label of Old No. 7. I realize this does
the country no real good, but what the hell, I'm the Commander in Chief.
I thank you in advance for your consideration.
And thank you for being a part of the first four years of RAZOR.
As always, we welcome your comments via e-mail to
letters@razormagazine.com
Enjoy the issue.
RICHARD J. BOTTO
Editor in Chief, CEO
www.razormagazine.com
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