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Richard Botto, Editor in Chief / CEO of RAZOR Magazine, has created the definitive men's magazine which features the best in men's fashion, travel, sports, autos, celebrities, technology, humor, fiction, fitness and more.
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 WRITINGS:
RICHARD BOTTO
Back to Writings Main Menu
Spring 2001
My America - Your Future
I have decided to throw my hat in the ring. That's right, in 2004 I'm
running for President of the United States. Sure, I probably have more
skeletons in my closet than there are in most Indian burial grounds,
but I've come to learn that as a Presidential nominee, facts matter
little as long as someone in your camp is an expert at spin.
I will run neither as Republican nor a Democrat. Too antiquated for
my tastes. I'll be representing the Fugghedaboutit party. This is a
party that appeals to all people, everywhere. It encompasses all ways
of thinking without marrying itself to one thought process. The theme
is ambiguity. In other words, it's politics at its best. If I've learned
one thing, it's that the American people will embrace anyone and go
to great lengths to gather en masse in the pouring rain clutching to
cardboard signs just to hear a blue suit dazzle them with BS.
Picture this exchange at the first debate:
Sam Donaldson: RB, how do you feel about a woman's right to choose?
RB: Whoa, Sam, fugghedaboutit.
Sam Donaldson: And your opinions on raising taxes?
RB: Sam, fugghedabout it, ya know what I'm sayin'?
Do I have this down or what?
To hell with traditional politics. I've decided to name Craig Vasiloff,
our editor, as my running mate. Sure he's Canadian, but who cares? He
believes wholeheartedly in ice cold beer and family values. Therefore
his appeal crosses both genders.
In fact, I am so confident I am going to win, I've already filled some
positions on my staff. Ted Nugent is going to be my Secretary of Defense.
Ever see pictures of Ted in camouflage wielding a crossbow? I assure
you, it's scary. I've also decided to add a new post, Secretary of the
Two Drink Minimum. That's right, I'm going to be the first President
to have an opening act at speaking engagements. This position will be
filled by Howie Mandel. Nothing says Presidential like a man with an
inflated surgical glove on his head. Finally, Amber Smith will be my
Press Secretary. I think a beautiful, leggy blonde will help make the
most serious of situations seem trite - "Today the President will
take part in the annual Easter Egg hunt on the South Lawn with 1st graders
from a local elementary school, we just bombed the living hell out of
Iraq and I will be hosting the Victoria's Secret lingerie show in the
West Wing in one hour. Thank you and God bless."
Now if American history (and Goodfellas) has taught us anything, it's
that the Fugghedaboutit Party will play well in certain hotbeds within
the United States. I figure I already have New York, New Jersey, Missouri
(thanks Kansas City), Nevada, Pennsylvania and the ever notorious Florida
("Citrus fruit? Fugghedaboutit") wrapped up. That's 121 electoral
votes tucked in my back pocket and the election is still 4 years away.
In fact, I just heard that with .000000000001% of the Precincts reporting,
CNN has just declared me the winner in the Sunshine State. Thanks Uncle
Vito!
So think RB/Vasiloff in 2004. Will we work for you? Fugghedaboutit.
Enjoy the Issue,
Richard Botto,
Editor in Chief / CEO of RAZOR Magazine - The Definitive Men's Lifestyle Magazine
www.razormagazine.com
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